its dec already!

Ah the year is ending! Many expats are preparing to leave for the holidays to their respective home countries but I will be here. Although, initially I was supposed to go home for Christmas, I am now going home in Feb instead. My friend is coming to visit which I am very excited about, and we will be traveling around in Burundi. I might also try and take a trip to Kigali and Kampala, but not sure yet.

I ‘ve been pretty busy lately. The year is ending and work is piling up at LWF. Outside of work I am trying to wrap up my apps and finish decorating my house. This weekend, I will be going to see the waterfalls about three hours away. On the way we’ll pass see the source of the Nile, hot springs and a German colonial town. I am looking forward to it. It should be a nice weekend away from Buja. As nice as Buja is, the fact that it is so small, especially with the expat community, it can get a bit suffocating. Next week, I will be in in Ruyigi for what promises to be a busy week.

In the past couple weeks; I have had interesting conversations with Burundians about what happened during the years of war. I never feel very comfortable bringing it up because I know it is a sensitive topic as the war undoubtedly impacted almost everyone in Burundi. But as I have grown to know my co-workers more, it has become more appropriate. When I asked about the killings that happened among Hutus and Tutsis, one of my co-workers said it ‘s mainly about politics. When I asked about whether they could tell who was Hutu or Tutsi just through appearances, he said not really. But he told me how as a refugee in Tanzania, he never thought he would return in Burundi as the bloodshed was massive. In another conversation with another co-worker, one who stayed during the war, he told me that certain areas were Hutu and other Tutsis. Being caught in the wrong area could lead to one’s death. Bujumbura at the time was a Tutsi area. When I asked whether people could tell just by looking at someone their ethnic group, he told me for the most part yes. I am Hutu and you would be Tutsi (based on my appearance.) In another conversation, with Burundians who work in a different NGO, they told me that they thought it was about politicians who knew how to exploit ethnic sensitivities to lead to killings. As he put it, the politician would tell you that you are poor because of your neighbor who is a different group. He also told me how during the monarchy, before the arrival of the Belgians, how both groups were represented in government and how there was a harmony between the groups. When we talked about the upcoming elections, he told me that he thought it would go peacefully as the Hutus and Tutsis parties are not competing with each other but within themselves for votes. It is worth mentioning that I never bring up the issue knowing very well that the person I am talking to could have easily been a victim, a former refugee, perpetrator or a combatant during Burundi’s war. All these conversations have occurred just naturally during a conversation about something else. I think it is easy for people to tell me these things knowing that I am Eritrean and that Eritrea itself has plenty of issues. Maybe, Burundians are as open with Muzungus but I suspect that they are not. ( even though for some Burundians I qualify as a Muzungu.)

Another thing I have come to realize is how NGOs can sometimes be self-defeating in that they not only have the goal of improving a situation but also of remaining relevant. Let me see if I can make this clear. Pretty quickly, you learn that the most important aspect of an NGO is gaining money. Writing proposals and winning them assures the viability of the organization and continue the career of the staff. So as much as it is the NGO’s interest to make things better it also has the organizational goal of staying in the country. One of our projects is set to end at the end of the year and we wrote a proposal to renew the project. Of course our small project of supporting secondary schools did not solve all issues, and renewing it was important. So I was charged with helping write the proposal, I felt strongly about the project and was determined to give my best effort. An aspect that I didn’t expect was how I felt was when I heard that our co-worker who leads the project was looking for jobs. As we were waiting for the response, he had to prepare for the worst and was looking for opportunities. It had never occurred to me that project funding also affected the very qualified staff that would be out of jobs. As I was talking to him, I started really wanting us to win the proposal for the sake of my co-worker. At the same time I realized how my thought was wrong, as my concern should have been only about whether the project would make a meaningful impact on the community. Anyways, we ended up winning the proposal but only getting half the money so the project has become a six months project. The project, which supports secondary schools with a special emphasis on girls’ rights, is very needed and I am glad that we will continue to work on it for at least six more months.

I am now closing in on four months here, and time has been flying. I am forced to think about what I will be doing in the future, and so far I seem undecided. I would like to live and work abroad but I do not know about a career in ngo development work...we shall see.